Shannon Whitley

It’s been a little over a year since the first, “Top 10 List of People to Unfollow on Twitter,” and the responses to that post still amaze me.  As I expected, the comments contain a number of creative and very funny additions to the original list. 

I always knew I’d write a follow up post to include many of those comments, and I finally sat down to bring them together.  The 2010 list includes old standards that could have been part of the original post.  It also has a few new types that probably emerged over the past year as Twitter’s growth exploded and the platform matured.

Once again, your additions are welcome in the comments section.

1) School Marm – The school marm is a frustrated linguist. He can’t stand to see the Queen’s English butchered in any shape or form, even during a casual conversation on Twitter.  She’ll often throw out copious rules and tips: “i before e,” “its versus it’s,” and “the proper usage of a semi-colon.”

GentlemanWriter: @CaveGirl You might want to check your iPhone, the autocorrect appears to be changing “you’re” to “your” again.

GentlemanWriter: @CaveGirl Did you mean to call me that? Now that’s not very nice. Did someone’s dictionary desert them today?

 

2) Social Cause Bully – Twitter is an open forum and all participants are welcome to share perspectives and ideas. You will never be attacked or coerced, and bullying tactics are never tolerated…unless it’s for a good cause.

StayTru: I haven’t seen one tweet today about what’s going on with Brazil’s Pygmy Elephants (BPE)!!! Not one.

StayTru: @OrlandoBoo Glad your son’s birthday is going well. Wouldn’t it be great to donate in his name to BPE?  They’ll never see THEIR 10th b-day.

StayTru: Come on people. Give to BPE now! Stop texting about last night’s reality show and MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

 

3) The Affiliate – You’re not sure when this account was taken over by spammers, but you know darn well these weren’t the tweets you signed up for. Still, you think maybe he’s just lost his way for a bit and things will go back to normal soon. Plus, you’re just too lazy to hit the unfollow button.

NewsHabit: A mom in Denver developed a teeth whitening system, and all of your dentists are plotting to kill her! http://whiteteethofdeath.com?id=338458317

NewsHabit: I lost 40 lbs. on the “Cookies and Clean” whole-fiber cookie diet — and you can too! http://CookiesAndClean.com?id=3838318373

 

4) Care Bear – The Care Bear provides an endless stream of positive quotes, words of wisdom, and loving affirmations. How she became so enlightened at age 23, you’re not sure, but you figure you’ll continue to follow her, just to see if she eventually has a meltdown.

SoulSurvivor: May your day be full of rainbows and your heart filled with sweet song.

SoulSurvivor: Inspire someone today. The Love you share will ripple across Space and Time to touch the Souls of Angels.

 

5) The Griper – “FAIL!” shouts The Griper at the smallest mistake. The World is full of idiots and The Griper knows each and every one.

ParteeGirl: I ordered a Margarita with “no” salt. It came covered with HUGE grains. FAIL!

LawGrad: My cell phone service goes out every time the train goes through a tunnel. FAIL!

GenYer: FAIL! I forgot what I was complaining about. SELF-FAIL!

 

6) Numero Uno – Have you ever followed someone and felt like you might just be another number to them?  With Numero Uno, you can stop wondering.  Yes, you’re one of many to him, but at least he will count you on a daily basis.  Numero Uno values the size of his friend-list above all else and is constantly talking up his stats.

ViaAFriend: Thanks for helping me push past 10,000 followers. Each one of you means so much to me. Only 25 more to reach 10,025. Let’s do it before Fri!

Numero Uno cannot resist any online application that returns some sort of number. The numbers don’t even need to make sense, but he’ll happily tweet out the stats for all of his followers to see.

SalesGuru23: @SalesGuru23 just favorited his 1,000th tweet! See how many favorite tweets you have – http://topfavorites.com

 

7) Twitter Expert – There are 15,740 Social Media Experts on Twitter [Mashable 12/27/2009], and I’m sure they’re all Twitter experts as well. The Twitter Expert knows how things should be done on Twitter and will never hesitate to provide finely-honed nuggets of genius to those who are new to the Twitter scene.

Marketeur: Remember, it’s important to complete your bio on Twitter. Fill in the url to your website and change your avatar by uploading a picture.

BobNewbee: Thank you, @Marketeur! You ARE the best!

 

8 ) Roadwarrior – Think about the last time you were in an airport. Do you really want to be reminded of the hassle, the boredom, and the discomfort? Well, the Roadwarrior thinks you do, and she’ll share every last detail of her latest travel experience. It’s just like being there!

Acct2Go: Sitting in a broken airport chair. Lousy wifi keeps cutting out and my battery is at 5%. Delayed for another hour. Ughh!

Acct2Go: Boarding the plane now. Up the ramp. Through the door.

Acct2Go: Unloading my luggage. What a joy.

 

9) Chatterbox – Here’s everyone’s favorite, The Chatterbox. She uses Twitter as her own private chatline. Come back from lunch and you might just see several pages of her replies to multiple friends covering at least ten conversations. Many of her tweets contain one or two words. Witty responses such as “LOL” and “As if” flood your tweet stream. Sometimes you wouldn’t mind following some of her friends (What is she LOLing about?). Then you quickly realize that it would take all afternoon to trace each thread.

PlayTime: @Tutu I like that!

PlayTime: @CaliGurl LOL

PlayTime: @Sumthin @Keuliu @Jibjab Haha. Smooches to you too.

PlayTime: @Dankat I was just thinking that! TTYL

 

10) Fanamaniac – Most people are fans of someone. Whether you admire a major entertainment celebrity or you simply look up to someone who attends all the cool social media parties, it seems that no one can escape this type. Fanamaniacs may hide their condition under normal circumstances, but they always expose themselves on Twitter. Probably some of the saddest moments though, take place when a Fanamaniac holds a one-way conversation with a famous celebrity.

GGGirl: @Oprah The same thing happened to me. Lord, give us strength. LOL

GGGirl: I totally agree @Oprah. You go on. Have a great show today!

Many Fanmaniacs post normal tweets on a regular basis and you’d never know they’re a secret fan. Then, they slip in a retweet of their idol, and all is revealed.

LumberJack33: RT @alyssamilano: I’m giving to the Brazilian Pygmy Elephant Fund. Won’t you help?

Some of the most disturbing Fanmaniacs are the staid, even-toned professionals who simply lose it when one of their personal idols joins Twitter.

PolyScientist: WOW! Henry Kissinger is now on Twitter! Welcome @MrKissinger!!!

 

So there you have the “2010 Top 10 List of People to Unfollow on Twitter.”  If Twitter’s still here next year, maybe I’ll make another list (who am I?).